"Here's what I've learned in the past three years..."

TIME IS A FUNNY THING–IT SPEEDS UP ON MOMENTS WHEN WE FEEL unadulterated and free. It does so on nights when we end up dreaming of our futures and deciding how they should be before they even happen. It speeds up from zero to a hundred miles per hour when we’re dancing carefree under a disco ball one moment and ditch the whole scene the next.

But time slows down when we think of the what-ifs–about the chances we didn’t take, the promises we break, the wishes we didn’t make, and the love we risked because of the stakes.

In the world we live in, much has been said about our first hello and the last. We look back at the first time we met a person and laugh at the memory. We reminisce what we said, how we looked, who we first said hello to. But we also look back and cry at those memories because memories are all what we’re left with after the last goodbye is said.

It has always fascinated me to see people grow–to see me grow. As a person. As an adult. As a professional. We spent much of our lives memorizing syllabus for school lessons but nothing has ever adequately prepared us for what’s to come. No school lecture has prepared us how to fix ourselves after a break up. Nothing has been researched on how to stand up against your boss if you feel you have to. No pointers have ever directed you to stand up, swallow your pride, and say sorry when you have to.

Here's what I've learned over the past three years of finding my place in this world: nothing is certain but uncertainty.

I look back and remember my experiences in love and how they taught me difficult lessons, especially those experiences where I saw the relationship alive, but I saw my soul dead. I recall and realize how awful they were. And desperate. And ridiculous. After nights of wet pillows and empty wine bottles, I realized those were moments I’d never take back because there is something to be said for being in love when you thought you were.

And there is something to be learned about meeting people and blocking the noise with the sound of new found hope, glory, redemption, happiness, and adventure. Meeting new souls and realizing you needed a different kind of longing so badly, which is sad, beautiful, and tragic all the same.

And there’s something to be had in watching all these chapters pass by in a flashing blur over time. The last three years passed by so fast I almost lost balance. Only now when the dust started to settle down that I tried to listen to the beating of my heart, to the air intoxicating my lungs, and the silence of my solitude. Only now did I realize…I have to say goodbye to the good and the bad that was the last three years.

To those people whom I bumped with along the road over the last three years, you’ve given me the challenge and courage to change; to grow. We all have imprinted something in each other’s lives but at the end of the day, we choose who we want to be. The successes and setbacks are now part of the mixtape of our shared experiences but they don’t get to define us because we decide how we would be remembered.

As for me, I’ll continue writing. And I hope I get to write the best moments of my life rather than the poignant ones. I hope to do so because I’ve gained so much knowledge and growth. Maybe I’d be able to write about a love that shines like a golden starlight if I ever found it.

From the boy who said he will never move and work in the crazy concrete jungle that is Manila…