Here’s something I’ve learned at 26



WE THINK WE ALREADY KNOW OURSELVES, BUT THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER is we will always drastically deconstruct our preconceived belief system about ourselves. We think we know ourselves enough to say no, but we always end up saying yes. We think we already know how other people see and take us for who we are but they do not know us in the way our lover does. In the same manner, our lover will never know us in the way our friends do. Our friends see us as a constant ray of sunshine bobbing and dancing as we pass along a complicated spectrum in a prism. But a stranger could pass by and sees just another faceless member of the crowd.

The point being is, other people only know the version of us which we choose to show them. And humans as we are, we will always try to simplify and generalise absolutely everything and everyone. This is complicated because humans as we are, we can never be simplified or generalised. We are never just good or just bad. We are a collage of our worst and best selves, of stories over coffee, of shared experiences and memories, and a well-curated Instagram feed.

But let me just repeat this, louder for the people at the back: other people only know the version of us which we choose to show them.

At 26, I learned a thing or two that forever altered my views about relationships and friendship. It doesn’t mean you hang out with someone over the weekend or over dinner, it means they are meant to stay that way. In the same way, it doesn’t mean you move kilometres away from a town you once called home, the people you made a home of there will cease to exist in your life. Life is a kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats and it moves that way by chance, fate or weird happenstance.

I learned I can never rush something good, and if something good is meant for you, waiting shouldn’t be complicated. At 26, I learned that you will dramatically be beaten up emotionally and that’s okay. That’s okay because life is not meant to be simplified and generalised.

At 26, I learned to put things in perspective to let bygones be bygones and focus on things that matter. I learned to accept mistakes and find ways to correct them even if people don’t want to give you a room anymore to bounce back. It only means that room is already full and you have to find an available one where change can be cultivated and grow for the better this time. If someone doesn’t want to accept you, other people will; people who will not give up on you.

I learned that this world moves too fast and burns too bright. What is happening now will not stay the way it does.

When this comes out, people will have things to say—good and bad. But people always talk and will always have something to say. My reputation now does not matter, I know I have nothing else to lose. But I have everything to make up for. The fall wasn’t the very worst because I haven’t been to the top yet. Right now, the only way to go is up.

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