IT'S A WEEKEND AND THE RAIN'S JUST STARTED TO POUR HEAVILY, pounding the glass windows with rather unexpected force. The strong winds, icy and tingling on your skin, managed to close the door at the kitchen with a bang. You cocooned yourself inside your room, enveloped by your favorite cardigan with a warm mug of coffee (or tea) at hand enjoying the last few chapters of a Colleen Hoover.
As soon as you closed the book, you held the covers tracing its contours–your heartbeat on the High Line. You try to remember how to breathe, collecting your thoughts; it left you reeling and full of what ifs. The book has marked itself on you like a blood-stain. Your mind wandered off to a place you ought not to remember but you keep on hearing the whisper nonetheless.
You’d come back to me.
It beckons you to remember why despite getting totally over a boy, a relationship, a weird happenstance, a memory, you just can’t seem to forget them.
And here’s why that could be:
1. Warning Signs – they have left you with memories to last a lifetime. Good or bad, they have shaped the way you perceive things around you–the things that normally inform your choices. Their memories have become your warning to never settle for unhealthy and mediocre relationships. They tell you not to waste time by figuring out things because the best moments of our lives are born out of not knowing anything and just taking a leap of faith.
2. August – some memories have a disobliging habit of never repressing at the back of our minds–doomed to be forgotten. They don’t break us to million pieces, they remain harmless. They remind us of honey and lemons, of a beautiful August sunset by the lakes when the weather is getting warmer, and of a shared time but one you can no longer have. You can only hope for it to happen with someone else now but only better.
3. Pensive – some people are not meant to stay by our side no matter how much we wish to. And so, we try to create memories with them as if to immortalize the connection that once was there. But when our time is over, while we reserve the time to grieve when it comes to an end, we refuse to forget. Because forgetting means things never happened despite their contours visibly engraved in the shadows that live in those memories. We remain pensive as we enjoy getting lost into a moment in time.
4. To live for the hope of it all – in a real-life chaotic setting, we are not programmed to narrow our options, our problems, our fears, our chances. All these things will run amuck in our heads. At the top of our emotions, we experience the same and almost always, we end up deciding on things we regret later on. Are we to be blamed when all we ever did was take a chance in the hope things will turn for good?
5. Illicit affairs – relationships are messy both the good and the bad. And despite the negative connotations and denotations on this phrase, those illicit affairs make for the reason why a relationship remains to be remembered long after it ends; like a Folklore to be passed down from generation to generation. Somehow, this is an invisible string which ties two people together. It’s where two people showed their real colors, taught one another the secrets they keep, learned to accept those secrets, break each other for one another a million times, and still get to enjoy the twilight.
***
A thunder broke your reverie. You replaced the book to the shelf and hugged yourself a little tighter. Not because of the cold, but because you remembered another memory–a past mistake that led you to the right path. You smiled and picked another book, ready to devour another story, which will take you down to memory lane yet again.
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